Transcendant Being (reveriemaster) wrote in decimation,
Transcendant Being

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is this alright

i'm not sure if I can post about this sort of self-destructive behavior, since I do not cut myself or mutilate myself in anyway:

I keep on finding reasons to try and push my self over the edge, like, I would keep on going to websites that like doing what gave me my trauma, it might seem small, but i've been through a hell of a lot..
Like, I'm teetering on totally letting go, but I can't let myself, i'm worried sometimes, that if I do, bad thing's will happen, I just have so much restraint, but now i'm getting these dreams, part of the letting go is leaking through.. I've just been through so much, and I keep on punishing myself, by talking about it sometimes, or going to websites about it, I do hate what happened to me, but i'm trying to understand it, and bring me peace that's why i'm looking, it's kind of traumatic to do this, but I will have to be brave and go through it with pain.
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